Meals of Epicness: The Tag Team Competition

The Fabled "Dollar Menu"

           Ladies and gentlemen, hello and welcome to “The Large, Cheap Meal of Epicness.” I am Larry McKnight and this is AESA. In today’s meal, Phil and Dan will be taking on the Dollar Menu Challenge. These two young bloods, known as “The Whispers,” have been competing for a few years now and have risen in popularity after their victory at Chipotle-fest last month. A victory today would make them the number one contender for the Tag Team Champions for the league. Now let’s get to the action.

           
            The meal is being laid on the table as we speak. Here is what the tag team duo will be taking on. Phil will be eating an apple pie, two chicken McNuggets, a McDouble, a small soft drink, half of a small fries, a side salad with ranch dressing, and a hot fudge sundae with peanuts. His partner, Dan, will need to take on a McChicken, two chicken McNuggets, an apple pie, a coffee, a half of a small fries, and a parfait. This is what Phil had to say about today’s meal: “You know Larry, this one will be tough since I ate lunch like an hour ago, but, um, I have faith in our teamwork. We already know our jobs; all we have to do is deliver.” That is one fierce competitor. Now back to the action.

            There is the bell. The competition begins. Both go for the sandwiches and begin working at a swift pace. Dan has a slight difficulty right now since he has no drink, because his coffee is still too hot. As Phil finishes his McDouble he stuffs some fries into his mouth, and he begins to put the ranch dressing on the salad as he chews. What great form! Those kinds of moves takes years to perfect, and he makes it look so easy.

            Dan now is finishing his sandwich and begins to tear through his apple pie. He does a nice job of making sure it is not too hot before proceeding. Back to Phil as he eats his salad. Things are not looking good, the healthy greens are slowing the kid’s pace. Oh, look at Dan! He finished his pie, and he is onto the parfait. Oh, I say, look at the pain on Dan’s face after that bite! He’s a poor lad. Those frozen strawberries are a killer. Even the toughest of mouths fall victim to the biting freeze. Those boys are taking one hell of a beating… What is this? I am just being informed I am not allowed to say “hell” on the air. I apologize to all those young fans of the Meal for defiling your pure, innocent ears. We’ll be back after the break.

           
            We’re back, as Phil and Dan finally overcome those devastating foods. They are both now munching down on some all-white meat chicken McNuggets. Wow! Those two are burning through those chickens. Now they are onto the fries. Those two are just methodically taking down this challenge and in record time. The last challenge they must face is a matter of fire and ice. Dan begins to sip the still hot coffee, and Phil tries to swallow as much ice cream as he can without getting a brain freeze. Ladies and Gentlemen this it is. It is all up for grabs now. These two can only go as far as they want it. Dan is finishing the coffee! He has done it, but Phil is still trucking through his sundae. Holy cow! Phil just turned on the jets; he is eating on a whole new level now. No amount of hot fudge will faze this man. He is burning through that ice cream. There it is! It’s over! Through all the adversity “The Whispers” have done it. They are now the number one contender to be the Tag Team Champions of the Meal of Epicness league. Let’s see what Dan has to say about today’s tremendous victory. “No one should ever have to endure that parfait, but all in all we both feel great.”

            What a victory. Next month “The Whispers” will be taking on the Suicide Six Wings Challenge. This is Larry McKnight and this is AESA signing out.   

            -Larry McKnight